DirtBlog

Hoose Hunting Trip #2

Now that the Tgiving holiday is over, made it out for hoose hunting trip #2. Review will be a fair amount shorter than trip #1 cuz it was less exciting and Dallas/GreenBay game has started:

#1 - HVL, 2nd look at a house I liked last time (would say which one but not going to go back and look). Still liked it okay, carpet pretty much need replaced throughout. Selling agent is quite the gunner, mice poo in the sink. May think about an offer if I can get over driveway steepness.

#2 - HVL, 2 hooses down from M2/sheM2 (didn't realize that until we got there, LOL'd bigtim). This was really a nice, well-kept house. Gravel driveway, not a big deal. But there was no master bath, you either set up on 1st floor and share it with the rest of the floor, or set up on the 2nd floor and share with 2 other bedrooms. Instead of a huge singular area in the basement, it was walled off into 3-4 smaller rooms. Nice, but not me.

#3 - HVL, was nice and well kept (bad carpet but they had allowance), getting transferred to Nachville. Too small (I say this as from the pics it looked like a fam of 5 lived there).

#4 - HVL, TRACH. Weird floor plan, master on 1st story, 2 other beds in basement. Did have a steam room/sauna in basement tho, thought that pretty interesting.

#5 - Seldom Seen, Bright. Nice little subdivision. 2ac. way at the end on a cul-de-sac. "Fixer-upper", but on a 1st look seemed mostly cosmetic. Story is the family is loaded, moved out a year ago to a house on teh lake in HVL, and are now going to sell that and buy a place in Kenwood, OH. Still have lots of stuff in the house in piles in each room, even tho it's obvious nobody has spent much time there in a while. Had pets, carpets are trached. Built in '97, realtor said they bought in '02 for 215K, were going to list at 240K, he thought I could get for 210K. Thought with 15K invested could get 250-260 for (i'm not looking to flip though). Very nice if cleaned up methinks, thinking about it if I decide it's just cleaning, painting, carpeting. 2K sft on 2 floors, another 1600 sft in unfinished basement. Decent privacy. Probably look at again early next week and take serious notes on what needs to be done to back up a bigtim lowball offer. 2 houses to sell? They may want to dump this one.

So overall, 2 houses I've seen that I'd consider offers on. But haven't really seen many overall (15ish?) I think #1 can wait but may keep a close eye on #5, could see someone wanting to snap that up for potential.

That's it. Okay, may have ended up as long winded as the first one.

Hoose Hunting Trip #1

Finally got up off my arse and started some hunting for hooses. Working with a local realtor, hoping him asking "ready to look some more?" every once in a while will keep me at it...

(in order of showing - area - TBS ranking incl - thoughts)

First, got to first house, realtor late (strike one). They get there and realtor's wif (also a realtor) is smokin! Literally and figuratively I guess. They have a couple of kids in college and she's a total MILF except for her raspy voice. And reminded me of Annette Benning's character in American Beauty, smiling, screaming across the street to the neighbors "CALL ME, DARLING!", very entertaining.

#1 - Mountain Meadows, Bright - yyyNice - this is one of realtor's houses so i dunno. Weird floor plan, 1 story ranch with w/o basement, 3 bed, 2.5 bath. 1st floor has no interior walls...entertainment area, kitchen, dining all together. Nice kitchen tho. Basement has family room, master, and 2 bedrooms. Detached garage w/space above (elec, HVAC, plumbing). Tiered decking built to accomodate pool (used to be one there, got taken ote), pond, block grill, storage shed. 0.75 ac. $195K

#2 - Mountain Meadowns, Bright - OTE - 2 story, partial basement, 3 bed, 2.5 bath. Wasn't a bad house, but wasn't sure there was a room over 12'x12' in it, seemed tiny. Crappy back yard nicely wooded but 10% grass coverage vs. dirt/mud. Lot sized described as 250'x260' but acreage shown as 0.75, dunno who did that math. MILF put her arm around me after making some joke that didn't offend me at all because I've spent so much time around you assholes. $170K

#3 - Picnic Woods, Bright - eh - 2 story "log cabin", 3 bed, 3 bath, was a foreclosure someone fixed up. They did some pretty nice work with it, didn't look like they did much with the bathrooms which weren't bad but it showed. Was an addition, put in baseboard heaters instead of getting on the ductowrk. Looks out on shared pond, small dock. 0.54 ac. $180K

#4 (we had to scratch my orginal pick, work was being done, somehow out of 7 picks grabbed two foreclosed homes/remodels, so replacement one realtor suggested) - off N Dearborn Rd, Bright - OTE - this was a bi-level and I swear I've been in at least 20 of these in my life with the same floor plan. They thought I'd love the back yard, I didn't. 0.?? ac. $16?K

At this point the MILF warns me that the next house is owned by someone who "really like his beer" (huge idiotic smile from me right here). He may or may not be there, even his agent says it's best to get there when he's not home cuz he's usually drunk and usually a pain in the ass. MILF admits "we all like our beer but there's a limit", I'm betting she gets pretty ripped from time to time. I'm totally looking forward to this.

#5 - off Stateline Rd, Bright - OTE - unfortunately the drunk was not there, the house was clean (expecting beer cans everywhere). Realtor spends 2 minutes shouting "HELLO?" when we first walk in, then his voice does not exceed 10dB the rest of the time in there, I kept envisioning the drunk leaping ote of a dark room (apparently so did realtor). 1 story, basement. The house is 30 years old and nothing has been updated since it was built methinks. Decent basement (if updated), nice deck, inground pool. 1-ish ac. $180K

At this point we stop by realtor's house (lives 4 houses down from the drunk) so he can grab his car, was with the MILF when they were running late so that's why she was tagging along which was fine with me. Sadly, no more MILF.

#6 - Hidden Valley - BANG - 2 story, w/o basement, 4 bed, 3.5 bath. Drive dives down steep off road, at least a trench drain before the garage but will need watching when it snows in winter. Nice fireplace on 1st floor in the middle of the kitchen, dining, living area. Good privacy out back on huge tiered deck, also looks like adjacent lots are available to get for mo betz privacy. Must've used 12' foundation panels or something cuz basement has huge ceiling. Only partially finished tho and can't figure out what their plan was, would maybe have to gut. Started wet bar, stepped floor (carpet/wood/tile), 4th bed and full bath down here. 0.25ish ac. $185K

#7 - Hidden Valley - yyyNICE - 1 story, w/o basement, 3 bed, 3 bath. Seemed small on 1st floor. Basement looks huge, wet bar, pong table (which they'd have to throw in of course), bath down there has jetted tub which kinda confused me. Tiered deck, lower part large. Walking distance to Willie's (HVL Tavern) and will be hella easy to get to work once we move the office, and to Perfect North! 0.25ish ac. $175K

And that was it for today. Prolly look at #6 again fo sho, maybe #1 and #7. Next round of looking will probably be Wed, probably mainly in teh HVL. Will prolly hit some open houses Sun if I can get my lazy ass off the couch. Also, they mentioned they'd have a house in Seldom Seen available, but it's like 2ac, secluded, all brick/stone, so I'm guessing this is going to be ote of my range but given the above dunno why they'd show me something way off from these.

Long winded blog for me. Prolly boring for you, not for me, so if you made it to the end goodie for you. See you again in 2 months!

Comedy Central Presents...

Yeah, not me. If you know me, you know I'm the least funniest person since Charlemagne. Nah, I'm referring to teh Comedy Central Roasts, I find them high larry ass. I've actually only seen two of them, Shatner and Flava FLAV! And both times I've had tears running ote of my eyes at what I've heard.

On a completely related note, lately I've periodically been chowing down on some microwavable noodles made by Simply Asia. Very good, but I never got into the noodle/ramen scene, maybe some of you noodly experienced will tell me I'm just paying for a brand name.

Other than that, nothing to report. I lead a boring life. No one has really posted a BATZ blog yet so mayhap I'll do so.

What's in a Dream?

I'm not really a person that remembers their dreams very often, but I had one the other day that produced some hillarity.

For some reason these days I sleep on my couch 4-5 nights a week. It's a bad habit that started with my mega-whopper cable package methinks, I set the sleep timer on the tube and fall asleep to the sweet sounds of South Park, Jay Leno, Cinemax softcore porn...you get the idea.

A few nights ago I "woke up" to find a tiny little black snake (prolly 3'long, 1/2" in diameter) coiled up and in a striking pose towards my facehole about 6" away. Now, I don't really have a prob with snakes but this surprised me somewhat and I jumped up so fast out of the dream that I didn't realize that it was one and I in the waking world started peeling cushions off of the couch looking for the bastard. After about 90 seconds I realized what happend and got quite the chuckle ote of it.

It reminded me of the time I had a horror movie style double dream wakeup where way back in the day I "woke up" and found a scraggly looking dude with a shotgun pointed at me. He opened up and nailed me in the chesthole (I thought I felt pain in the dream), and then I woke up for real and wasn't terribly happy.

Wish I could remember the dreams with the boobsies!

THE END

The Tortoise and the Hare

Stopped and ate at the local pizza joint on the way home from a meeting this afternoon, an older couple that sat in the booth behind me was having an interesting discussion:

When radio signals are sent from earth to crews in outer space, at what speed do the signals travel?

And the answer obviously had to be one of these two, but which?:

A) the speed of sound
B) the speed of light

What's YOUR choice? I claim 1.21 Jiggawatts!

Worst movies ever(?)!

I have a Netflix sub, and I like. So I had two movies sitting around this weekend...

Smokin' Aces: I turned it off at about 25min, 'nuff said.\

Hostel: a lot of "setup" with no substantial background. the young crowd says it's scary but i think my heartbeat went down 5/min while watching this piece of poo. i liked "la turistas" better, and that's a BIG stretch! And they're making a sequel off of this crap...

It's Raining Poo!

Whenever I'm sitting on the crapper at the apartment, I can't help but think "What if the person that lives below me is also on their crapper?"

Because I am in a sense, shitting on their head.

Chinee Boofay Nazi

OK...I am the chinee boofay nazi.

When I go to a buffet, I systmatically make a path thru the table(s) to choose what I want to eat. To me, it's the quickest way thru the maze of boofay. I start at a "far corner" and work my way up and down the "aisles" getting what I want. Up, down, back, forth, east, so I only go by everything once in teh least distance possible, right? Would draw a pic, but when I hit the upload pic link it was unhappy with me so no example.

It seems I'm in the <10% of the crowd that does this, as every time I'm there people scamper around at a frenzy grabbing a spoonful of something, making 2 circles around a table/island, then getting something that was RIGHT NEXT TO what they got 90 seconds ago, roving/wandering some more. And I really wouldn't care except that during my deliberate, predictable pattern, when I come across one of these people, THEY give ME the "why are you in my fuckin way" look!

And today I got irate (who knew?) about timing and seating. I went to lunch late, it seems like Bville usually operates on an "early" lunch schedule, i.e. if you go at 12:45 like I did the frenzy is over. And so I thought it was when I stepped into the place and there were only 3 tables taken and it was quiet. Which I loved since the office was extremely noisy that morning and I wanted some peace and quiet, a different story altogether. Sooo...when the slap-eyed birch walks me to an empty area of the sto' I'm like, sweet, then she sits me one booth away from a comfy corner (my fault for not taking it), then the mob comes in. She seats the next dude in the coveted corner that I wanted right behind me, another group of 5 hike-skool basketball fags in the table in front of me (so 3 consecutive tables out of 8 were occupied), then a group of 4 with a fattie in a wheelchair short behind. So when she sat the later two groups I decided it was time to cut and run as I didn't care to be in close proximity with a bunch of posers exclaiming "dude!" at each other, nor a group trying to help the handicapped gal get her food (which she was perfectly capable of on her own and I noticed she was but her "helpers" were fucking up the boofay).

I've witnessed the same thing at grocery store salad bars...

But call me the CHINEE BOOFAY NAZI!!!

PS - if you are chinese, a boofay, a nazi, slap-eyed birch, basketball fag, in a wheelchair, or anyone other than that then fuck off.

LOOK WHAT I GOT...

UH-HUHHHHHH!!!

Prease to sank you, M1.

More to follow.